i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
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