Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Randomize
