i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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