I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
