That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
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