i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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