that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
