Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
