my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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