his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
