So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
