So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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