Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
How naked do you want me to be?
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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