dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
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