So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
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