Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
