Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Randomize
