Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
