You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
