Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
