He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
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