The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
