i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
