Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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