you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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