Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
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