i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
