Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
