Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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