I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Randomize
