He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
