I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
