Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
