So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
