I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Pooping to opera.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
