just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Michael Bay diarrhea
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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