we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
