trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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