i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
