I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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