why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
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