I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Randomize
