There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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