STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
They should really pass out barf bags in church
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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