so that wasnt chicken after all
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
