I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
