i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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