I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
