took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
