im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
should my penis look like a turkey
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize
