Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
