come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
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