an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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