I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
