There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
